Engaging with depression is strange and difficult. I've decided to engage with it this way -- in the form of a YouTube series where I attempt to defeat Final Fantasy VI.
most recent episode: 17
location: SouthWest of Vector / World of balance
Mental Health is complicated. Anxiety and depression are dangerous and real. This video does not mock or replace any form of therapy. Seeking help, in whatever form that takes, is crucial.
You are not alone.
It’s 1994. I am fourteen. I’m lying on the floor of my friend Bobby’s TV room with the volume almost all the way down as I play his Super Nintendo. It’s about two hours before dawn.
I’m playing Final Fantasy III. It’s years before I’ll learn that it’s actually Final Fantasy VI.
My brain...is wide open. I don’t own this game - I have been finding excuses to spend the night here, waiting for Bobby to go to bed, and then staying up all night to play it. I want every bit of this game inside of my brain: every character, every mechanic, every pixel. It’s years before I’ll realize it, but I am re-wiring my own mind, forming structures and passageways and tunnels and ---stories.
It’s 2018. I’m thirty-eight. My brain is not wide open. I’m lying on the floor, but it’s not always because I want to be. It feels like its always two hours before dawn.
What if I could find a way back inside? All those passageways and tunnels and secrets are still there - what if I could use them? What if - instead of Kefka - I could defeat Depression Itself?
What if I could play -- FINAL THERAPY?
No Fenix Down. no ether.
the dead are naked.
no game guides.
Espers link once.
Terra must survive.
the core of my psyche
GEAR: Atma Weapon, Gold Shield, Tiara, White Dress
RELICS: Earrings x 2
Reunited with crystallized magic essence of dead father. Learned to become a bird person at will! Back in action and ready to rumble.
My coping mechanisms
GEAR: Blizzard, Gold Shield, Gold Helmet, Mithril Mail
RELIC: Sprint Shoes, True Knight
GEAR: Assassin, Boomerang, Mithril Helm, Power Sash (illegal)
RELIC: Genji Glove, Barrier Ring
GEAR: Poison Knuckle, Mithril Shield, Tiger Mask, Power Sash
RELIC: Running Shoes, Black Belt
GEAR: Who cares?
GEAR: Cards, Mithril Shield, Bandana, Mithril Vest