Case 2.23: The Thaw

Welcome back, my friends, to the show that never ends, it’s a sentient personification of fear manifesting as a murderous Cirque du Soleil, come inside, come inside! Michael McKean guest stars alongside a truckload of nightmare fuel as Ensign Kim finds himself hostage inside a computer-generated paradise gone horribly, colorfully wrong. Will Voyager’s crew overcome their fears and conquer this army of living metaphors? Will the Space Court reward the risk taken by Voyager’s writers in producing this super-weird episode? Is “The Thaw” good… or is it garbage?

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Case 2.22: Innocence

Did you enjoy “Kindergarten Cop?” You didn’t? What’s wrong with you? Well, maybe you’ll like this episode anyway, even though it also features a gruff-but-likeable tough guy foisted unexpectedly into the role of caretaker for a bunch of scared kids. Will hilarity ensue? Will the weird space kids help Tuvok sort out his own grief over being separated from his presumably non-weird space kids? Can Chakotay manage to botch yet another First Contact scenario? Is “Innocence” good… or is it garbage?

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Case 2.21: Deadlock

Two times the Voyagers! Two time the Janeways! Two times the action, which, as it turns out, might be too much action because it takes up room they should have used for narrative clarification! Is Voyager’s exciting, confusing run-in with a spatial scission fun enough to justify the unresolved, unexamined, baby-related plot points? Can the Space Court accept Harry Kim suddenly being pushed as a badass commando? Is “Deadlock” good… or is it garbage?

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Case 2.20: Investigations

Teachers, please turn on your classroom TVs and tune them to channel 3. Morning Announcements with Neelix is about to air-- and he’s got the real scoop on Resident Bad Boy Tom Paris! Will Crewman Smerm Jermajerm’s plot come crashing down around him? Will the story payoff be enough to justify three weeks of Tom being a total a-hole? Will Janeway jettison Neelix’s broadcast career right out the airlock? Is “Investigations” good… or is it garbage?

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Case 2.19: Lifesigns

A Vidiian gets a second chance at life and the Doctor gets a first chance at romance in Trek’s first tale of hologram love NOT involving the things that Riker does in between bridge shifts. Will the Doctor still love her if she rejoins her race of marauding organ pirates? Will anyone ever mention to the Doctor that dating a patient-- especially one that is, uh, technically comatose-- is an egregious violation of medical ethics? Will Voyager ever stop making episodes about suicide and the right to die (No, seriously, stop)? Is “Lifesigns” good… or is it garbage?  

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Case 2.18: Death Wish

Voyager continues its long, baffling, and slightly disturbing multi-episode examination of the moral implications! Can the combined power of two Qs find the fun in amid the gloomy philosophical grind? Is John de Lancie enough to sway the court’s ruling? Is “Death Wish” (not the Charles Bronson movie) good… or is it garbage?

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Case 2.17: Dreadnought

SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY! The Delta Quadrant will shake as Torres faces off against THE DREADNOUGHHHHHT in a no-rules battle for intellectual supremacy! WIN... and nothing happens! LOSE... and a random planet of reasonably friendly aliens goes UP. IN. FLAAAAAAAAMES [cue pyro effect]. Only ten slips of gold-pressed latinum for adults, five slips for kids and seniors! You’ll pay for the whole seat, but you’ll only NEED THE EDGE as you wait for the court to decide if “Dreadnought” is good… or if it’s garbage!

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Case 2.16: Meld

The wacky legal warriors of Judge Midnighhhhttgg::::SUBSPACE ANOMALY DETECTE::D::DDD@#’’’ALL HAIL THE EMPRESS. GLORY TO THE TERRAN EMPIRE. The galaxy’s one true arbiter of justice and decency convenes to punish another suspect cultural offering. A foolish Vulcan uses the powers of his pitiful mind to better understand the soul of a killer, but STRENGTH IS THE ONLY PATH TO TRUE UNDERSTANDING. Will the Vulcan embrace that most ancient and pure of laws? Will Judge Imperatus Afternoonien Now stain his honor with the weak bile of mercy, or will another episode (and another mewling defense attorney) be sentenced to swift justice? Is episode 2.16 “Meld” PERMISSIBLE… or is it PUNISHABLE BY DEATH?      

Case 2.15: Threshold

The courtroom is rocked by the impact of Voyager’s most infamously bizarre and patently awful episode, and the bounds of sanity and judicial procedure will be tested like never before. A judge recused! A desperate legal defense employed! Will the system hold? Can the Herculean acting of Robert Duncan McNeill salvage anything from the drug-addled catastrophe? Is “Threshold” garbage… or is it super garbage?

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Case 2.14: Alliances

It’s cowboy diplomacy time as Voyager learns the hard way that they aren’t quite badass enough to go it alone! Hunted and harried by a band of hyper-violent psychopaths, Janeway reaches out to form a defense pact with a band of hyper-violent psychopaths. Could anything possibly go wrong? Will Chakotay and Seska like actually talk about the fact that she impregnated herself with his stolen DNA? How many Kazon wigs will the director be able to cram into one room? Is “Alliances” good… or is it garbage?  

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Case 2.13: Prototype

The crew finds a 1960s-era cyberman floating in space, leading Torres to discover and then savagely murder the joy of creation. Will this episode construct a positive verdict from its various spare parts, or will it get owned as hard as Voyager does in that starship battle that takes place around the halfway mark? Will the basement of Torres’ subconscious have enough room for all the complicated feelings she needs to bury? Is “Prototype” good... or is it garbage?

Case 2.12: Resistance

Janeway meets the guy who played the Emcee in Cabaret and joins an underground revolution in order to save his wife and daughter from a prison that they aren’t actually in because they are dead. Can Janeway prevail without her state-of-the-art ship and mediocre crew to back her up? Will a thoughtful analysis and commentary give way under an avalanche of obvious musical theatre reference jokes? Is “Resistance” good… or is it garbage?

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Case 2.11: Maneuvers

An old foe pulls a straight-up smash n’ grab on Voyager’s complacent crew, making off with some valuable Federation tech and forcing Chakotay into ill-advised and insubordinate action! Will the faithful servants of the Space Court be sufficiently thrilled by his daring and kind of stupid exploits? Will Voyager capitalize on its first recurring villain, or will Seska Space Fresca and the Chakotay neck baby she carries in her womb be consigned to the overflowing dustbin of discarded plot devices? Is “Maneuvers” good… or is it garbage?

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Case 2.10: Cold Fire

Voyager finds the long-foreshadowed Other Caretaker, the only known being with the power to send them back to the Alpha Quadrant! One slight hitch: She’s a murderous, quasi-omnipotent monster with a telepathic army of Okampa cultists. Will Kes focus her psychokinetic rage powers long enough to save the crew? Will the Judge Later’s courtroom be completely overrun by stray references to the Dark Phoenix Saga? Is “Cold Fire” good… or is it garbage?

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Case 2.09: Tattoo

The Voyager writers room succumbs to the dark temptation of a flashback episode, subjecting viewers to the tale of Surly Teen Chakotay and the Sky Spirits as told through the soft-focused lens of character memory. Also, the Doctor subjects himself to digital flu in an effort to prove that non-photonic lifeforms are a bunch of whiny babies when sickness is involved. Will the Doctor recover in time to escape this B plot? Will Chakotay hear the song of the Father Falcon or whatever it is he’s supposed to be doing in this episode? Is “Tattoo” good… or is it garbage?

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Case 2.08: Persistence of Vision

An overworked Janeway retreats into a romantic holonovel about a hologuy with crappy holokids and a holodead wife in the holoattic, but her holostaycation is cut short when the entire ship falls under telepathic attack! Will [mostly Janeway but also a little Kes there at the end] rally in time to save the crew and the ship? Will the viewers recover from the Chakotorres (B’Elotay?) makeout scene in time to finish the episode? Is “Persistence of Vision” good… or is it garbage?

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Case 2.07: Parturition

The Great Jonathan Frakes brings you “Two Men and a Dino Baby,” the screwball family comedy you had no idea that you wanted, or maybe that you don’t actually want at all! As Voyager hovers over the actually-not-that-bad Hell World, Paris and Neelix must harness the power of friendship (or polite tolerance, at least) to survive the hazards of the surface below! Will they finally bury their longstanding romantic rivalry? Will the Court’s collective heart be warmed by their flailing attempts to not accidentally kill a baby? Is “Partcher-- ParTRUR-- Par-CHOO-rition” good… or is it garbage?

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Case 2.06: Twisted

Voyager finds itself smack in the middle of a ship-threatening spatial phenomenomenomenomenon! The court finds itself smack in the middle of a sanity-threatening realization that the best scene in Toy Story 3 is a rip-off of a Voyager episode from 1997! Can justice find its way in a world where space and direction have no meaning? Is it weird that Kes has memorized the entire crew’s rooming assignments? It’s weird, right? Is “Twisted” good… or is it garbage?

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Case 2.05: Non Sequitur

A benevolent transporter accident reunites Ensign Kim with the great love of his life! His girlfriend is there, too. Fate may have granted Harry a reprieve from his deep-space exile, but will Judge Later’s court show similar mercy to this episode? Is “Non Sequitur” good… or is it garbage?

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Case 2.04: Elogium

Things get weird as Voyager drifts into a swarm of hyper-affectionate space worms, kicking Kes’ Okampan physiology into straight-up “birds-and-bees” mode. Will Neelix shirk from the idea of fatherhood, or will he place his reproductive future into Kes’ love-spackled hands? Is “Elogium” good… or is it garbage?   

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