Case 3.24: Displaced

Mystery abounds as Voyager’s crew is slowly replaced by hapless aliens who turn out to be totally unhapless jerkwads! Criticism abounds as solid storytelling is slowly replaced by spotty narrative logic! Will Janeway retake her ship from the Delta Quadrant’s lamest pirates? Will the crew be forced to live out their days in the skylit atrium of a pretty nice 1990s mall? Will we ever learn how universal translators work? Is Case 3.24 “Displaced” good… or is it garbage?

Case 3.23: Distant Origin

Trapped in a malfunctioning turbolift, the members of Space Court must render justice through the Muzak-spewing speakers of their grey-paneled prison! Trapped in a Honda on the way to the QuikTrip in Commerce, Ga., the voices from the holocron must render analysis from the humid expanse of Georgia Hwy 441! Will the crew of Voyager befriend the descendants of the characters from ABC’s Dinosaurs? Will the team successfully resist the siren song of the random guy shouting “Y’ALL WANT A FREE ICE CREAM CONE” at the QuikTrip? Is “Distant Origin” good... or is it garbage?

Case 3.22: Real Life

Voyager boldly attempts a feat that has bedeviled humanity’s greatest writers for generations: to tell a tale that seamlessly blends the exploration of space-subspace interfold anomalies with the exploration of the modern family. Will they succeed, or will this episode plod on as a two-headed monster of half-baked plotlines? Will the Doctor learn the true meaning of living with a teenager who is kind of an a-hole? Or will Torres kill another member of his holographic brood for her own sadistic enjoyment? Is episode 3.22 “Real Life” good... or is it garbage?

Case 3.21: Before and After

Theorizing that one could time travel within her own lifetime, Dr. Old-ass Kes stepped into the biotemporal chamber… and vanished. She awoke to find herself careening through her own past, facing mirror images that were younger and had better hair, and driven by an unknown force to change history so that Torres and Janeway don’t get killed by a friggin’ console explosion sometime in Season 4. Her only guide on this journey is Andrew, her super-weird grandson, who most people try not to see or hear because his very existence reminds them that Harry married Tom’s daughter. And so Old-ass Kes finds herself leaping from time to time, striving to put right what might still go wrong, and hoping each time that the next leap… will be the leap home. 

Case 3.20: Favorite Son

Voyager encounters an unknown alien race that at first is like, “Aw, hey, we’re nice,” but then they totally aren’t, and the ensuing firefight leads a recently mutated Ensign Kim into his absolute best chance at getting laid on this trip. But are the happenin’ gals of Taresia what they appear to be? Will Harry escape with all or most of his fluids still in his possession? Will the writers truly have the gall to try and pass this episode off as an erudite reference to a Homeric epic? Is case 3.20 “Favorite Son” good... or is it garbage?

Case 3.19: Rise

Join Neelix and Tuvok on a thrilling, high-speed, vertical journey into friendship! Join the members of the Space Court on a plodding, low-speed journey into near-gridlock! Acquaintanceships will be tested. Effects budgets will be pushed to their modest limits. Will this likeable mediocrity of an episode be the fiery crucible that strengthens the steel bonds of comradery? Will anyone ever explain why we don’t have space elevators in real life? Is Case 319 “Rise” GOOD… or is it GARBAGE?

Case 3.18: Darkling

The Doctor is all grown up and ready to embrace his inner darkness! Kes is all grown up and ready to embrace a strapping, young space hobo! Voyager sets out to create a 24th-century “Jekyll & Hyde,” but instead invents “The Beam Up of Shame!” Who will survive when the Doctor becomes a photonic amalgamation of history’s most brilliant sociopaths? Will we ever stop celebrating the fact that Neelix and Kes are officially broken up? Will anyone ever explain the last scene to us? Is S3E18 “Darkling” GOOD… or is it Garbage?

Case 3.17: Unity

The three-part Nekrit Expanse arc comes to a dramatic conclusion (Did you know there was a Nekrit Expanse arc? Well, turns out there was, and we just finished it)! Separated from Janeway by a shuttle crash, Chakotay quickly finds another smart, lovely, ultra-competent woman to jerk him around. But behind her talk of utopian collectivism and (overrated) Texas barbecue lurks a shocking secret! Will their romance falter when it’s revealed that she’s a freakin’ BORG?! Will Chakotay risk it all to help his battery-powered girlyfriend convince everyone to join her weird co-op? Will storm-induced technical difficulties in our studio result in an episode that sounds like the speech track from a Super Nintendo game? Is S3E17 “Unity” GOOD… or is it GARBAGE?

Case 3.16: Blood Fever

A strange, unsettling, and oddly enjoyable episode gets the strange, unsettling, and oddly enjoyable treatment it deserves, courtesy of a holiday weekend and two-thirds a bottle of good bourbon! Will Torres survive the first recorded case of Klingon Pon Farr? Will Paris’ praise-worthy commitment to informed, enthusiastic consent threaten his reputation as an immature jerkwad? Will anything in this episode be funny now that we’ve sobered up? Is “Blood Fever” GOOD… or is it GARBAGE?

This episode was brought to you by Michter’s and Captain D’s.

Case 3.15: Coda

Janeway goes full Groundhog Day in one of Season 3’s craz:::SUBSPACE ANOMALY DETECTE::D::DDD@#’’’ALL HAIL THE EMPRESS. GLORY TO THE TERRAN EMPIRE. The true arbiters of justice convene once again to punish another potentially treasonous episode of Voyager! A perfectly reasonable inter-dimensional tyrant offers to free Janeway from a temporal loop in exchange for an aeon of servitude. Will the foolish captain take her rightful place within the cosmic inferno? Will Judge Imperatus Afternoonien Now amuse himself by allowing this offering to cling to its pathetic existence for one more day, or will another episode be sentenced to a just death? Is episode 3.14 “Coda” PERMISSIBLE… or is it PUNISHABLE BY DEATH?

Case 3.14: Alter Ego

Episode Notes (for iTunes/site): The courtroom is ROCKED by an unexpected visitor pushing a wheelbarrow full of family drama! The studio is ROCKED by PvSTV #1 superfan and noted northeast Georgia gourmand Jeff Chen! Kim and Tuvok are ROCKED by the beguiling, matronly wiles of a sensibly attractive hologram! Will all this rocking be enough to rattle the steady stare of Lady Space Justice? Will Jeff Chen every actually watch an episode of Voyager? Is “Alter Ego” good… or is it garbage?

Case 3.13: Fair Trade

Goaded to the edge by his professional insecurities, Neelix plunges headlong into the dark, unforgiving, and super-boring world of small-time medical supply scamming. But, just like this episode, he must eventually reckon with the stern-but-affectionate scowl of justice! Will he become the Scarface of a crappy space station run by a sasquatch? Will Paris and Chakotay be executed for the crime of one time having seen this dude who totally got murdered later? Is Ensign Vorick’s name ACTUALLY ENSIGN BORK? Is “Fair Trade” good… or is it garbage?

Case 3.12: Macrocosm

Janeway returns from a botched diplomatic mission to find herself plunged into the MACROCOSM, the most dangerous of all the cosms! Will a compression phaser rifle, a killer instinct, and a truckload of dignified sex appeal be enough to single-handedly save everyone from the clutches of the gross virus things? Can Commando Janeway set a new standard for all other “commando captain” Star Trek episodes? Will Ridley Scott sue for breach of IP law? Is “Macrocosm” good… or is it garbage?

Case 3.11: The Q and the Grey

Hurrah, boys, hurrah! The political fallout last season’s Q episode has plunged The Continuum into a bloody war of the civil variety, and no one is safe from the costumer’s extensive collective of brass-buttoned waistcoats, plumed hats, and frilly undergarments! The only thing that can end the slaughter? A half-immortal space messiah born of Janeway’s top-notch womb! Will Q convince Janeway to play surrogate for the good of all reality? Will Janeway gently tell Q to piss off or will she directly tell Q to piss off? Will Q be the only person to ever take lessons in game from Tom Paris? Is “The Q and the Grey” good… or is it garbage?

Case 3.10: Warlord

A dying warlord takes control of Kes’ mind and becomes the greatest hero in Star Trek history by breaking up with Neelix! Unfortunately, he also does a bunch of crappy stuff, so the Voyager crew must devise a daring plan to put Kes back in the driver’s seat of her own brain. Will their efforts be enough to save Kes from being interesting? Will the writers restore her safely to the margins of Voyager’s overarching narrative? Is the holodeck Tiki Bar like an actual thing we’re doing now, like no joke this is a thing? Is “Warlord” GOOD… or is it GARBAGE?

Case 3.9: Future's End - Part 2

Future’s End careens towards its thrilling, uh, end, and it will take all of the crew’s cunning to stop the smarmy overlord of mid-1990s Silicon Valley! Can Voyager escape the past to bypass the present and save the near future from the distant future? Can Torres and Chakotay escape the Coors-soaked clutches of several future members of Trump’s cabinet? Is Future’s End, Part II GOOD… or is it GARBAGE?

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Case 3.9: Night School Confidential

The well-coiffed warriors of TV Court go back into the fray to determine the legal fate of yet another episode! Meanwhile, Larry and Balki go undercover (for some reason) to break open Chicago’s biggest counterfeit Rolex cartel! It’s a two-tiered cake of justice, and only Judge Sugarbaker can decide who takes the first bite! Will this prove to be yet another zany bonding experience for the kooky cousins? Or Will Larry and Balki be beaten, murdered, and left to rot in an abandoned inner-city high school? Is “Night School Confidential” PERFECT… or is it STRANGER?

Case 3.8: Future's End - Part 1

Voyager gets sucked into a one-way temporal tunnel, dumping them and the audience right into the very beating heart of ‘90s nostalgia! Can the officers of the Space Court strap up their rollerblades and outskate the charms of Sarah Silverman and Ed Begley, Jr., on their way to some totally bodacious justice? Will the crew of Voyager accidentally prevent the invention of podcasting, thus saving us all? Could anyone else in any decade rock that off-white pantsuit quite like Janeway? Is “Future’s End, Part 1” GOOD… or is it GARBAGE?

Case 3.7: Sacred Ground

THE COURT OF WIZARDS CONVENES to augur the mystic fate of an episode so bizarrely and unexpectedly anti-science that it defies the constraints of humankind’s petty powers of perception! Voyager’s ethereal jaunt into the realm of faith-based healing leads Janeway to question the premises upon which her entire career and her identity and this entire series and all of Star Trek are founded! But will her ability to doubt evidence and hold rocks for a long time be enough to save Kes from the wrath of the spiteful, selfish, kind(?), merciful(???) Spirits of the Nechani? Is “Sacred Ground” a MAGICAL FABLE… or is SCIENCE GARAGE?  

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Case 3.6: Remember

Spacetime is shattered and new heights of hubris are attained as The People vs. Star Trek: Voyager introduces a shocking, new concept that will change podcasting forever: GUESTS. Robyn McGlotten and Tracy Holt from Diversity Issues Podcast drop by to guide the court through Torres’ heartbreaking journey into someone else’s past, but will their astute analysis sway the heart of Lady Space Justice, or will technical issues with Google Hangout and that one microphone result in a space mistrial? Is “Remember” good… or is it garbage?