Engaging with depression is strange and difficult. I've decided to engage with it this way -- in the form of a YouTube series where I attempt to defeat Final Fantasy VI.

- Derek

most recent episode: 17

location: SouthWest of Vector / World of balance

DISCLAIMER:

Mental Health is complicated. Anxiety and depression are dangerous and real. This video does not mock or replace any form of therapy. Seeking help, in whatever form that takes, is crucial.

You are not alone.

 

It’s 1994. I am fourteen. I’m lying on the floor of my friend Bobby’s TV room with the volume almost all the way down as I play his Super Nintendo. It’s about two hours before dawn.

I’m playing Final Fantasy III. It’s years before I’ll learn that it’s actually Final Fantasy VI.

My brain...is wide open. I don’t own this game - I have been finding excuses to spend the night here, waiting for Bobby to go to bed, and then staying up all night to play it. I want every bit of this game inside of my brain: every character, every mechanic, every pixel. It’s years before I’ll realize it, but I am re-wiring my own mind, forming structures and passageways and tunnels and ---stories.

It’s 2018. I’m thirty-eight. My brain is not wide open. I’m lying on the floor, but it’s not always because I want to be. It feels like its always two hours before dawn.

What if I could find a way back inside?  All those passageways and tunnels and secrets are still there - what if I could use them? What if - instead of Kefka - I could defeat Depression Itself?

What if I could play -- FINAL THERAPY?

The Rules

  1. No grinding.

  2. No Fenix Down. no ether.

  3. the dead are naked.

  4. no game guides.

  5. Espers link once.

  6. Terra must survive.


the core of my psyche

TerraSprite_zps00ab67f5.png

you

GEAR: Atma Weapon, Gold Shield, Tiara, White Dress

RELICS: Earrings x 2

ESPER: Maduin

current status

Reunited with crystallized magic essence of dead father. Learned to become a bird person at will! Back in action and ready to rumble.

My coping mechanisms


toxic

GEAR: Blizzard, Gold Shield, Gold Helmet, Mithril Mail

RELIC: Sprint Shoes, True Knight

ESPER: Carbunkl

lies

GEAR: Assassin, Boomerang, Mithril Helm, Power Sash (illegal)

RELIC: Genji Glove, Barrier Ring

ESPER: Ramuh

denial(unavailable)

GEAR:

RELIC:

ESPER: Stray

sugar

GEAR: Poison Knuckle, Mithril Shield, Tiger Mask, Power Sash

RELIC: Running Shoes, Black Belt

ESPER: Ifrit

CHORES

GEAR: Who cares?

RELIC:

ESPER:

drinks

GEAR: NONE

RELIC:

ESPER:

retail

GEAR: Cards, Mithril Shield, Bandana, Mithril Vest

RELIC:

ESPER:

shower

GEAR: ???

RELIC:

ESPER:


my implacable foe

Kefka-boss-ffvi.png